Hi, Iām Katya, I haven't worked for a year.
I worked a lot and burned out. I resigned and didnāt look for a new job. A comfortable financial cushion provided me an indefinite vacation. I had a great time, but I also lost some knowledge and aged psychologically. What is life like without work, and what to not expect from it, read below.
Free from worries
Last working day. I go to sleep without setting an alarm. Yes, baby!
I wake up at 1 PM. I overslept, what a nightmare! I grab my keys and rush to the subway. "Photography and videography in the auditorium is prohibited. Please turn off mobile phones during the session. Enjoy the show." Phew, I made it. The work chat is gathering for lunch. Oh, poor tired guys, hardworking horses. I turn off my phone.
Total euphoria, ambitious plans, endless lists of "where to go," "what to see," "what to read." Finally, I have time for all my wishes. I sleep until noon, the torrent is working non-stop, I'm constantly having fun. Too good to be true.
Expectation and reality
Books read, games completed, notes practiced, all bars explored, ideas run out, enthusiasm disappeared. Laziness, loneliness, daily routine, and complete chaos. I postponed so much because of work, but now thereās nothing to do. I have many friends, Iām free any day, but there's no one to hang out with. I can write articles, learn, travel, but I'm just sitting at home watching series. What went wrong? Where did I go wrong?
No job, no problems
Expectation. No more deadlines, planning, hotfixes, and failing tests.
Reality. I feel useless. My knowledge and experience are worthless. I'm not improving anything or creating anything. Meanwhile, life is bustling in work chats, the fate of whole services is being decided, people go to conferences, and hit the bar on Fridays. And I don't go anywhere beyond my neighborhood store. As a bonus, I get the fear of running out of money. Oh right, and no more cafeteria: if you want to eat ā learn to cook.
There will be plenty of time
Expectation. Iāll redo a bunch of tasks, Iāll manage everything.
Reality. The lack of deadlines forces me to spend more time on tasks than necessary. Ineffective resource allocation is overwhelming. I'm still not managing to keep up. All my free time goes to waste: half of it is consumed by everyday chores, and the other half is just laziness. The routine at work has been replaced by a home routine. Cleaning, cooking, searching for discounts at the store, trips to IKEA, cleaning, cooking. Why am I doing such nonsense? I waste time on it just because I have it. I sleep poorly: I expend little energy and struggle to fall asleep, or I wander at night and donāt even lie down. The lack of a routine throws me off. I eat at night and am actively gaining weight. I donāt even know what day it is today. I canāt remember what I did yesterday. I justify each useless day with a quote from BoJack:
āThe universe is a cruel and indifferent vacuum. The key to happiness is not the search for meaning. It is just engaging in meaningless little things until you eventually die.ā
I will see my friends and spend time with loved ones.
Expectation. I will hang out with friends all day and spend more time with family.
Reality. Sonya is free on Wednesdays, Katya is only available on weekends, and Andrey doesnāt even know in advance. As a result, we meet once a month for half an hour. Itās harder with loved ones. Everyone in the family works and gets tired, and Iām the only one who suddenly has a lot of free time for personal matters. And even if I sent my relatives on an open-ended vacation, what are the chances they would choose to go to the bay or a concert with me instead of binge-watching the new season of Game of Thrones? I managed to visit family and friends in my hometown, but most of the time I was just waiting for them to get home from work. I can throw parties any day, but Iām still looking forward to the weekends because only on weekends can I do this with friends.
I will do everything I've been putting off.
Expectation. I will go to the sea, learn English, master oil painting, start going to the pool, focus on my health, and read all those books.
Reality. I'm no longer going to the sea ā the idea lost its appeal when the summer heat fried my brain. I'm not learning English because I don't feel the need to improve my skills. Although reading 7 Harry Potter books in the original contributed a bit. I'm not painting with oils and I don't go to the pool ā that's not how I want to spend my time. Visiting doctors has turned into an endless quest with pointless diagnoses. I've realized that I was procrastinating not because of work, but simply because the tasks were uninteresting or unimportant. It turns out I have few hobbies outside of work, and I don't need to set aside a special day or month for them. It's enough to stop working 12 hours a day and balance my work week with a good book or a trip to the movies, without trying to cram all of life's joys into my precious weekend. Any rest is more enjoyable when it's well-deserved, just like food is tastier when you're hungry. And after a tussle with the manager over resource allocation for refactoring, it feels especially satisfying to come home, log into a game, and take down all the bosses.
I will level up my skills, learn something new.
Expectation. I will learn a new language, finish pet projects, and start contributing to open source.
Reality. Programming? What programming? Oh, 'Slay the Spire' has been released! Buy, download, play, and have fun.
The first six months, the thought of programming felt burdensome. This is called burnout. At work, I took on too many routine tasks and lost the opportunity and desire to deeply dive into the underlying logic, work on architecture, and conduct research. I stopped programming unicorns and began programming mediocre horses, and quickly grew tired of it. I lacked the sense to switch to other tasks or stop spending 12 hours in the office, and I gradually became disillusioned with what I was doing. I quit, but the thought that programming was boring lingered in my mind for another six months.Ā
After a couple more months, I no longer turned my nose up at it, but I also didnāt show much interest. At work, we discussed technologies, shared ideas, and inspired each other. Once I distanced myself from the community, I fell out of touch and lost interest in what was happening in IT. However, a close friend of mine showed interest. He passed the selection stage for School 21 and moved to Moscow to become a programmer. I had to keep up. At first, I recommended books and articles to him, then I re-read those books and articles myself. The interest returned as soon as I started. I regained the desire to develop and tackle challenges. I regained the desire to work. I realized that learning among like-minded individuals is more engaging: you can discuss the material with them and understand it better; theyāll throw out ideas and keep you motivated. My colleagues fulfilled this role excellently. I was glad to work with you, guys!
It was worth it
I have no regrets. I read three dozen books, moved to Moscow, caught up on sleep for ten years, and learned a lot about myself. I'm not a traveler around Europe, not a businessman, not a volunteer, I donāt have kids and I didnāt have hobbies that made me want to leave work early. Instead of seeking new sources of self-realization, I dedicated myself to work. My life revolved around my job. All my friends and the activity were there. I understood why I couldnāt grasp work-life balance. Work turned into life. I worked 12 hours not because I enjoyed it, but because those additional 4 hours led me to some goal, while the same 4 hours outside the office didnāt lead anywhere. I wasnāt bothered that nothing but a stack of books drew me home. What seemed important was not interesting, and everything interesting seemed unimportant. I thought I wanted to travel, but I never once checked Aviasales. I thought I wanted to learn English, but I never bought a textbook. I longed to play Skyrim and color anti-stress coloring books, but when deadlines are tight (and they always are), who cares about coloring? Itās so trivial, so mundane. And I burned out before the deadlines did, because the coloring books were supposed to be 'anti-stress.'
If you havenāt taken a vacation in over a yearYou are either a successful and happy person, or this is a warning sign. I am inspired by people who can work without taking a vacation. They know how to relax effectively during a 2-3 day holiday: visiting several countries or attending a festival, building a computer, or going fishing in Siberia. They also spice up their workweek with conferences and organizing meetups in the department. They don't rush into a vacation to escape routine and difficult managers. If you, like me, don't belong to these people, it's better to take a vacation. Vacation is a way to manage overload. Don't accumulate days just for a payout after leavingāitās a nice thing, but one-time. Don't be quick to blame the mean manager who didnāt allow it; seek compromise and communicate in advance. Rest at home if you didnāt manage to plan a trip. Choose , if you donāt want to suffer financially. Donāt underestimate the revitalizing power of a vacation. If you still prefer to work tirelessly without the right to rest, I hope you have a worthy goal. āDetermine your own criteria for success. Otherwise, you are just a damn workaholic.ā (āBusiness as a Game. The Pitfalls of Russian Business and Unexpected Solutionsā)
Excessive hard work demands excessive rest. Engage in something you enjoy right now. No time? There will never be enough time, even in retirement. The quality of rest is more important than its quantity. Donāt know what to do? Try something new, broaden your horizons, meet interesting people, and perhaps you will share their interests.
Take care of yourself.
Source: habr.com
