Moderator's comment. This article was in the Sandbox and was rejected during pre-moderation. But today, an important and complex question was raised in . This post reveals the signs of personality disintegration and may be helpful for those who, as the author of the mentioned article expressed, are a meter away from the waterfall. Therefore, it has been decided to publish it.
Hello, dear readers!
I am writing to you in a state of profound intoxication (over 3 months), from which I cannot escape. The doses — about 1 to 1.5 liters of strong alcohol and one or two bottles of dry wine per day. I was in a psychiatric clinic for about a month a year ago — I couldn't handle the breakdown of my family and fell apart. They performed a so-called 'coding' through injection. After the drug is administered, alcohol cannot be consumed or sniffed — it does not process. A distinctive feature, excuse me — the smell of urine. Sharp, like vinegar. Disgusting.
Here’s why I write — I am not asking for help or condolences. I want to share what altered consciousness is like. I’ve read a couple of articles on this topic, including on Habr, it seems somewhere it was, but it’s probably individual.
So, in points:
- Loss of one’s own 'I'. You become some kind of universal person, a member of society, with philosophical ideas, but you won't lift a finger to really do something.
- Pathological craving for comfort. You always need to be warm, you pay very close attention to not dirtying your body, and as much as possible your clothes.
- Loss of some sensory perceptions and intensification of others. In my case — the sense of smell sharply (almost completely) disappears, vision significantly worsens, but hearing greatly improves — and I didn't hear very well before. Now, in this altered state, you can hear, and clearly, the conversations in the children's playground 200 meters from the house.
- The cunningness — well, that's a problem all alcoholics face. But at this stage, it reaches a level such that… how to explain… a stranger (not smelling the awful odor from you) won't be able to distinguish you from a sober person. Sensing the slightest danger, you immediately turn into a very cunning type. Your speech is coherent, your walk is steady, and you can maintain a reasonable conversation on mundane topics. However! An interesting point — any silly but unconventional question throws you into a prolonged stupor. It's immediately clear that something is off with you…
- The main state is 'drank — laid down.' You really hope that no uncomfortable person will call you. But there are also moments of hyperactivity — you imagine playing football in the yard, running, or boxing.
- You perform typical template actions without particular problems, but any simple non-standard task puts you in a bind, which you weakly retreat from.
- Very frequent, practically every couple of hours — awful tachycardia.
- There is no vomiting reflex. You can chase down cognac with yogurt, eat a couple of cucumbers — nothing…
- Without a chaser — any strong alcohol, even dry wine, is impossible to drink.
- Insomnia. The concept of 'sleep' in its usual sense simply doesn't exist. There are some shut-downs for an hour or an hour and a half (that's not bad), more often for 30-40 minutes. Whether it’s day or night. If you manage to nap for four hours — it feels like being reborn. For two minutes. As the first thing you do is drink again. There’s no willpower to break this chain.
Why am I writing? Maybe it will be of some use to medicine. Although, as far as I know, the third stage related to personality breakdown is irreversible.
If the topic is interesting, I'll write more.
Source: habr.com
