The Publishing House "Proletarian Library."
In this novel, the author will tell us about the difficult fate of the working class in the development industry.
About honorable workers and the development of personal relationships in conditions of memory shortage.
I recommend. /*Critic*/
All coincidences are not random.
C++ has a complicated character due to a troubled childhood. It grew up in the hungry 80s and remembers how often there wasn't enough even for symbols. This hardened it and added severity to the syntax. Often drunk, it loved to throw segmentation faults, break windows, and shoot passersby in the legs. There was no one to reason with it, as its grandfather, the respected K&R C, had been shell-shocked in Vietnam and often participated in his grandson's antics.
C++ hardly remembers its father, only that his name was "C with Classes" and that he died of an overdose. The grandfather spoke poorly of his only son. When asked by his grandson, he reluctantly replied, "You know, he caught some classes... and you too... I remember in my time, 615 bytes for three..." Very little was known about the mother, although some said that during the conception of our hero, some sort of Simula was involved.
Despite his son's and grandson's reproaches for a fascination with classes, grandfather C had long been heavily into pointers. He called it "pointer arithmetic" and claimed that this was part of his philosophy, allowing him to be closer to the nature of things in the surrounding world. Recently, he rarely appeared in public. Some even whispered that the old man had long since died, but no, now and then, his traces were noticed at night. There, a lamp is broken, there, a passerby was shot in the leg, there, a buffer overflow...
But he often saw Uncle Classical C and his cousin C-99..11. The entire family generally had a lukewarm relationship with each other. However, their collaboration and cohabitation forced them to adhere to their API agreement. Brother C and his father insisted that they were the fastest at shooting passersby in the legs, in contrast to various class enthusiasts. C++ disagreed. Although he claimed to be no worse of a marksman, deep down he understood that using substances like OOP didn't come without consequences. He was constantly haunted by feelings of inadequacy. To overcome this, he started participating in benchmarks. Sometimes before reloading his shotgun, C++ would lag, and the other family members would exchange sympathetic glances, then laugh behind his back.
His relatives still didn’t suspect that C++ would surpass his late father. Besides OOP, he became fascinated with Templates. After prolonged exposure to Templates, he realized that in any shooting competition, one could win by shooting the judge in the leg even before the start. C++ was unanimously declared the champion of metaprogramming and was no longer allowed to participate in competitions. But that didn't stop him. He would barge into discussion clubs of local intellectuals and philosophers, demanding recognition as a functional programming language. Haskell and Lisp recoiled in horror from this armed thug wielding pointers and loose static typing. But there was no escaping from someone who mixed OOP with Templates and enjoyed shooting legs; there was little room for argument. Thus, our hero became multiparadigmatic.
But it wasn't long before C++ remained at the pinnacle of fame as the best shooter in town. Over time, OOP stopped being an object of ridicule, and the grumbling of the old-timers was no longer heeded. It even became fashionable. Many enjoyed occasionally dabbling in classes... and the new generation grew up entirely different...
Java was the first to make a name for itself. It stubbornly rejected the need for rapid shooting in the foot, insisting that clarity was the main value... and objects... nothing but objects. In reality, it confused objects with classes, adding primitives to this cocktail, which didn't stop it from presenting itself as the "First Fully Object-Oriented" language. There were rumors that Java was the illegitimate child of Uncle C and an unknown OOP enthusiast. Some claimed that it was actually more akin to C++. The truth of the matter remains elusive, but Java grew up in the shelter of Oracle Corporation. To prevent the new language from causing chaos and opting for self-sabotage, Oracle engineers performed a lobotomy while it was still in the shelter, clipping its pointer fingers. As the little one grew, the caring guardians kept it away from the adult world, carefully hiding pointers deep within the virtual machine. Moreover, Java was diligently taught that shooting at anyone was wrong, and that weapons should be banned altogether. Such close acquaintance with communism from an early age had a positive influence on Java, and it quickly seized all the prestigious positions in enterprise development. It seemed that the era of uncontrolled anarchy had passed, ushering in a time of cohesive team development, where shooting one's neighbor in the foot became bad manners.
Pushed to the background, C++ tried to pull itself together and keep pace with the times, attaching a laser sight to a muzzle-loading shotgun and attempting to give pointers some intelligence. It didn't help much, so having been forgotten by many, it succumbed to inebriation and a long sleep.
Outside, Java was already battling a new formidable opponent. C# was the result of genetic mixing between C++ and Java. To this day, rumors circulate that Java's genes were obtained in a rather dubious manner, and at the time, a small scandal even erupted over it. However, created by engineers from another powerful corporation, the fully object-oriented C#, which inherited many traits from C++, was born to challenge Java and managed to assert its right to exist in the harsh world of enterprise. To defeat Java, its creators equipped it with templates, OOP, and pointers (though they advised caution in their use).
The young Padawan entered into battle with a lobotomized cripple and by 2020, had pushed him back almost entirely…
Time did not stand still, and natural reproduction went out of fashion. It was now considered that if you weren't created in a laboratory of some corporation, you would never achieve success. Thus emerged JavaScript, Go, Rust, and many others. I feel ashamed to recount the life story of the first, so I will limit myself to saying that the reader should know he was born as a deaf-blind schizophrenic, but thanks to the love of some people, he managed to overcome all these shortcomings and become a transgender homosexual. He couldn't shoot, but he excelled at bringing a moment of positive slowdown into any task he was involved in. As JS grew up, he realized his calling as a designer of colorful buttons and posters. Since then, going outdoors became frightening, as the heaps of acid banners and whistling buttons took over everything around. When old workers would comment on this, JS would loudly scream that he was being oppressed again by evil heterosexuals. But that was only part of the troubles. JS brought his friends into the world of development. Green-bearded, with dyed hair, riding scooters… He himself perpetually occupied all available space and memory, which was quite a challenge in the XXI century when it seemed like everyone should have enough of it!
Yet, no one has managed to reproach him here either. JS would respond by saying that everyone should have embraced body positivity and equality long ago, regardless of how much memory you consume or how much space you occupy. "All workers are valued, all workers are important, all workers are equal," JS would say. Another noteworthy event related to JS is that he lowered the so-called "barrier to entry" to zero. It is said that afterward, out of grief, Grandpa C hanged himself in his 5×5 kilobyte chamber. Nevertheless, JS is still at large, so beware!
The creators of Go aimed to surpass the creators of Java. They swapped some of their child's DNA chains for hamster ones while still in the womb... They didn't just cut off fingers; they also removed ears and noses, under the pretext that individual traits were unnecessary, and everyone should look alike to avoid confusing others with their individuality. The trend for OOP has passed, and Go ended up with neither classes nor templates. However, it did receive goroutines. That's what keeps it alive to this day, supporting various utilities.
For a long time, some enthusiasts meditated on the nature of the ongoing madness until enlightenment struck them. They then developed a coherent religious-philosophical system, dubbing it the concept of ownership, and gave birth to Rust. Rust was distinguished by its principled nature and fidelity to the principles instilled from childhood. If it was tasked with something, it wouldn't execute it until it was convinced that no one would be harmed. However, to give an instruction to Rust, one needed to understand the concept of ownership and the borrow checker. It is said that after this, the barrier to entry rose by 15.37%.
While new programming languages sprang up like mushrooms after rain, the old ones gained strength. Java received enhancements in the form of generics and lambdas, borrowed from the philosophical club named after Professor Haskell. C# also managed to acquire similar lambdas, finding a partner in the form of Linq. Java kept pace, introducing the Stream API. However, C# made an unexpected move by bringing in the throwing knives of async/await and discarding the heavy anchor of null. In its race against its young rival, Java became reminiscent of a transforming robot assembled from various blocks of differing materials, with some parts falling off. In such a state, it encountered the suddenly awakened C++. C++ quickly developed its own lambdas and type inference. Now both C# and Java recoiled in horror at the sight. With a laser sight taped with blue duct tape to a shotgun, wearing an orange cap with black sunglasses and an axe slung over his shoulder, C++ truly instilled fear in everyone who looked at him. Some, out of old habit, instinctively clutched their knees...
Wishing everyone a great day. If you enjoy this, I'll write a continuation about the workers of the science-philosophy industry.
Source: habr.com
