I like cardboard people.

The summary of the article is at the end of the text.

Lexa is a great guy. He works well, is responsible, has ideas, and is promising. We completed a couple of excellent projects together. But he avoids paying alimony for his child from his first marriage. He comes and asks to somehow hide his income and 'pay her less.'

Gena is an average manager. He's fun, talkative, and down-to-earth. His performance metrics are good. He has ideas for development and automation. But Gena is an alcoholic. Starting from Friday, he becomes a different person. He drinks, hits his wife and kids, and drives around the city drunk at night, occasionally getting into wild situations.

Seryoga is an average programmer. He quietly sits and develops. He's easy to talk to; he's an interesting conversationalist, and you can sense his vast life experience. As a developer, he's good, but not a star. A solid middle-class worker. However, outside of work, he loves to belittle people who, due to their profession, can't always respond to him. Supermarket cashiers, appliance store managers, official auto service mechanics (the ones in suits, not overalls).

And when I find all this out, I think - what the heck do I need this knowledge for?

Valya is a bad employee. She's useless, quarrelsome, and always lags behind, but you can't even discuss this with her – she’ll drain your brain. But Valya can't be fired because she's a single mother. This is not sarcasm; I truly believe she can't be let go.

Kolyan is as dumb as a cork. It's true; he thinks so himself and always has. But he has two children and two mortgages, one for himself and the other for his disabled parents. Kolyan can't be fired or demoted; he’s already struggling to make ends meet. He literally has to be kicked to learn anything new so there’s at least some reason to raise his salary. He doesn't resist, but there's barely any result. Unfortunately, Kolyan is dumb.

Misha was indeed fired. He always worked poorly, sometimes disappearing somewhere—claiming he was busy with very important and noble work. It turned out he is a member of a search party that unearths the remains of soldiers who died during the Great Patriotic War. It's probably a noble cause. However, Misha not only neglects his job for this cause but also his family. And during these trips, or projects, or outings—I don't know what they're called—he mostly drinks.

No, don't get me wrong, I'm not an idealist or a saint. I have enough in my personal life that’s better left unsaid. But over time, I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to know about the personal lives of my colleagues, and even less about subordinates.

Let the employee be a two-dimensional, cardboard character. Only their professional qualities should be visible—technical skills, ability to develop, willingness to try new things, and overall adequacy. As for their personal issues, let them live with the skeletons in the closet where they belong.

Otherwise, it turns into a Dostoevsky novel. Any personality, if you learn too much about it, becomes multifaceted, complex, and unclear. There isn’t a single person who is strictly good or bad. Behind everyone is a story, sometimes dramatic, sometimes comical, but more often just simple and unpretentious, commonplace—and as such, it's so close and understandable.

I draw a certain line based on a simple criterion: I want to know only about those problems of an employee whose resolution I can help with. For instance, if someone is genuinely struggling financially.

But here’s how it often goes. An employee works mediocrely, while the company has several clear programs for skill enhancement, career, or professional growth. Yet the employee doesn't take advantage of them.

Then they come and say: I want to earn more money. Go ahead, who’s stopping you? Look into such-and-such topics, complete tasks on them, or obtain certification, and you will earn more. Study the framework that the clients need but for which the company lacks competencies—all projects will be yours.

They agree, and leave. Then, after about six months, they come back and say—they want to earn more money. You ask—what about your development? Have you studied anything new or passed a certification? No, they say. So why are you here then?

And then, damn it, it turns out. An emotional striptease begins, a soul laid bare, touching stories about 'seven to a bench', mortgages, and the lack of money for basic needs.

Well, explain to me, buddy, why the hell did you sit around for half a year picking your nose while your kids had nothing to eat? And now you're throwing all this on me as if I'm the one to blame for you not being able to take the simple, understandable steps to improve your qualifications?

He starts whining that I didn't kick him hard enough, motivate him, or something else. But don’t hungry children kick you? Not literally, but metaphorically. Or maybe literally – it wouldn't hurt.

Well, yes, I probably would have paid more attention to you if I had known right away that it’s not just about wanting to earn more money but that you simply don’t have enough. That’s a perfectly normal situation, including for being let go. I did the same when my wife wasn’t working, we already had a child, and we had a mortgage.

But just because you told me this doesn’t mean that now I or the company are responsible for your family. I just understand your motivation better. Believe me, I fully understand what 'no money' means. But one thing I don't get is why the hell you’re not doing anything.

There are other people with exactly the same problems who quietly go ahead and do things. They study, develop, and earn more and more. And you just ask and complain.

In some methodologies, problems are called monkeys on your back. As long as the problem is yours, the monkey sits on your shoulder. As soon as you burden someone else with your problem, the monkey jumps onto another lucky guy.

Okay, work problems are one thing. Shedding them off is a sacred duty. But why pass on personal problems? I will help you deal with the monkey, but don’t think I will carry it for you.

I think there are two normal scenarios.

First – keep your problems to yourself. I do that myself. This is not about being closed off or unfriendly, but quite the opposite – it's a normal attitude towards people who always have enough of their own problems.

The second is to lay it out, but be prepared to adapt. This isn’t a gathering with relatives who will collectively weep over your problems and then disperse. You say you're struggling financially? Okay, here’s a development plan: follow it and you’ll earn more. Here’s a challenging but lucrative project. Here’s a new framework, in demand but so complicated that nobody wants to take it on.

Don’t want to? Well, I’m sorry. I understand that you want a raise because of your issues. I want one too. I have problems as well. And Kristina has problems, and Vlad, and Pasha. They just don’t talk about it.

What would happen if people were paid for the volume of their personal difficulties? It would be an amusing motivation system. I think we would hear about a lot more well-known personal problems.

The exceptions, of course, are unexpected difficulties. Not those that have been building up for years due to laziness, lack of initiative, and carelessness. But that’s not about salary increases—this is force majeure, where help is needed right here and now.

Well, it’s one thing when an employee comes to you with their problems. But what do you do if you accidentally find out something unusual about them?

For example, you find out they’re drinking, hitting their kids and wife, and sometimes even their neighbors. How should you feel about that? They would never admit to it, of course. Although, it might be amusing—'give me a raise because I beat my kids.'

Upon learning such information, I unfortunately cannot abstract from it. Thus, I can't see the employee the same way as before. I realize this is more of my flaw, but there's nothing I can do about it.

There are manager colleagues who don’t shy away from such information; on the contrary, they try to dig up as much of it as possible. Then they manipulate it, using it for their own ends, knowing the employees inside out. I don’t know if they’re right or wrong, but I’m not comfortable with such an approach.

Sometimes you learn something about an employee that makes your heart ache. But what to do with that information is also unclear. You know they need money. You start paying them more attention, assigning them tasks and projects with better pay, sending them for courses. But they couldn’t care less.

Not in the sense that I need any gratitude. I sincerely pretend not to know about his problems. I simply provide, as a priority, opportunities that could help him solve his personal issues. But he does not take advantage of these opportunities.

He is fine as it is. He even enjoys his problems. Sometimes he revels in them and enjoys them. And I, like a fool, try to help him. And I feel like an idiot.

In general, I long ago decided for myself: to hell with it. I don’t want to know anything about the personal lives of colleagues, subordinates, and superiors. That’s why I haven’t attended corporate parties, outings, and gatherings for many years.

People in a non-working atmosphere, especially under the influence of alcohol, inevitably feel inclined to deep conversations, and one can learn a lot of unnecessary information. A person may not mean anything by it, sharing without ulterior motives, but I, due to my excessive sensitivity, won't be able to ignore this information later.

At work, I try to avoid lengthy conversations in the corporate kitchen, especially with gossips. Unfortunately, this kind of person is still quite common. Don’t feed them bread, just let them ask a few questions, and then share stories. They do this not out of malice, but simply because they find it amusing. But why should I care? To sit and worry later? To see the character not as a first-rate programmer, but as a Multifaceted Personality? No, thank you.

If someone has problems I can help with within my professional duties – I will help. I might even assist outside of work. Things happen – borrowing money until payday, jumpstarting a car, lending a book, helping in a tough situation. People often ask to leave work early, such as picking up a child from a speech therapy kindergarten, which, for some reason, operates until 5 PM. There are no issues with this; I sometimes step out myself. There are objective indicators, and they do not require presence at work from 8 to 5.

I try to help. But – without getting too involved. Help and forget. Not prying into the soul, not demanding gratitude or reciprocal help. And if someone starts to share something anyway – I stop them, when possible. You asked for a thousand by Monday – here’s your thousand by Monday. Why, how – it’s none of my business. Just return it.

On my part, I mirror that approach – I don’t share personal details that could interfere with work. I don’t shift my burdens onto others, as that is unfair.

How about you?

Summary of the article

It's better not to know about the personal lives of employees. If you're unaware, you only see the 'professional' side of them. If you do know, employees become multifaceted and complex, and working with them requires considering numerous factors.

Therefore, it's also better not to share your personal life. Burdening colleagues and bosses with your problems is not very honest.

However, if professional activities can assist in solving personal issues, such information can be shared. In response, you may receive not money, but opportunities. But you will need to take advantage of those opportunities.

If you’re not ready to take advantage of them, don’t load others with your problems.

Source: habr.com