Publishing house "Library of the Proletarian".
In this novel, the author will tell us about the difficult fate of the development industry's working class.
On honorary workers and the development of personal relationships in the face of memory loss.
I recommend. /*Critic*/
All coincidences are not accidental.
C++ has a complex personality due to a difficult childhood. He grew up in the hungry 80s, and remembers how often there was not enough space even for symbols. This tempered him and gave rigor to his syntax. Often drunk, he liked to throw segfouls, break windows, and shoot passers-by in the legs. There was no one to reason with him, because his grandfather, the respected K&R C, was shell-shocked in Vietnam and often participated in his grandson’s amusements.
C++ hardly remembers his father, only that his name was “C with Classes” and that he died of an overdose. Grandfather spoke unflatteringly about his only son. He responded to his grandson’s questions with reluctance: “You’ve picked it up, you know, some classes... And you’re there too... I remember in my time 615 bytes for three...” About the mother, even less was known, although some said that at the conception of our hero not without a certain Simula.
Despite his reproaches to his son and grandson for his passion for classes, Grandfather Xi himself sat tightly on the signs for a long time. He called it “pointer arithmetic” and claimed that it was all part of his philosophy, allowing him to be closer to the nature of things in the world around him. He rarely appeared in public lately. Some even said that the old man had died long ago, but no, no, and in some places his traces were noticed at night. There's a broken lamp, there's a passerby shot in the leg, there's a buffer overflow...
But I saw my uncle Classical C, and my cousin C-99..11, C++ often. The whole family as a whole did not like each other. But working and living together forced them to stay within the framework of the API agreement. Brother Xi and his father insisted that they were the ones who were the fastest to shoot at the feet of passers-by, unlike various class lovers. C++ disagreed. But although he said that he was not the worst shooter, in his heart he understood that the use of substances such as OOP was not in vain. He was always haunted by an inferiority complex. To get rid of it, he began to participate in benchmarks. Sometimes, before reloading the shotgun, C++ would slow down, and then the rest of the family would look at each other sympathetically, and then laugh behind his back.
His relatives had no idea that C++ would go further than his late father. In addition to OOP, he became interested in Templates. After using Templates for a long time, he realized that any shooting competition could be won by shooting the judge in the leg before the start. C++ was unanimously recognized as the champion of metaprogramming and was no longer allowed to compete. But that didn't stop him. He poured into discussion clubs of local intellectuals and philosophers and demanded recognition of himself as a functional PL. Hasclell and Lisp shied away in horror from this thug armed with pointers and lax static typing. But there was nowhere to go, you can’t really argue with someone who uses OOP mixed with Templates and likes to shoot in the legs. This is how our hero became multi-paradigm.
But C++ didn’t have long to remain at the top of the fame of the best shooter in the city. Over time, the PLO ceased to be an object of ridicule, and the grumbling of the old people was no longer paid attention to. It has even become fashionable. Many people liked to indulge in classes from time to time... and the new generation grew up completely different...
Java was the first to announce itself. He stubbornly rejected the need to shoot quickly at the legs and insisted that the main value was clarity... and objects... nothing but objects. True, in fact, he mixed objects with classes, adding primitives to this cocktail, which did not stop him from introducing himself as “The first completely object-oriented”. It was rumored that Java is the illegitimate son of Uncle C from an unknown OOP girl. And someone argued that C++ is most likely involved here. How it actually came about is not known for certain, but Java grew up in the shelter of the Oracle Corporation. To prevent the new language from doing something terrible and taking the path of shooting at his legs, Oracle engineers performed a lobotomy on him while still at the shelter and cut off his index fingers. When the baby grew up a little, caring guardians did not let him take a step closer to the world of adult life, to the signs, carefully hiding them away in the depths of the virtual machine. In addition, Java was carefully taught that shooting at anyone is bad, and weapons should be banned in general. Such a close acquaintance with communism from early childhood influenced Java positively and he quickly grabbed all the honorary positions in enterprise development. It seemed that the days of uncontrolled anarchy had passed, the age of well-coordinated team development had arrived, and shooting your neighbor in the foot had become bad manners.
Overshadowed, C++ tried to pull itself together and move with the times, bolting a laser sight onto a muzzle-loading shotgun and trying to inject intelligence into the pointers. It didn’t help that much, so forgotten by many, he indulged in continuous drinking and long sleep.
And outside the window, Java was already fighting a battle with a new powerful enemy. C# was the fruit of a genetic mixture of C++ and Java. There are still rumors that the Java genes were obtained for this experiment in a not very honest way, and at that time a small scandal broke out about this. But created by engineers from another powerful corporation, truly completely object-oriented, inheriting many features of C++, C# was born to challenge Java and managed to defend its right to exist in the harsh world of the enterprise. So that he could defeat Java, the creators handed him templates, OOP and pointers (though they bequeathed to use them with caution).
The young padawan entered into battle with a lobotomized cripple and by 2020 had pushed him back by almost half...
Time has not stood still and natural reproduction has gone out of fashion. Now it was believed that if you were not created in the laboratory of some corporation, then you would never achieve success. This is how JavaScript, Go, Rust and many others appeared. I am ashamed to give a biography of the first one here; I will limit myself to the fact that the reader should know that he was born a deaf-blind schizophrenic, but thanks to the love of some people he was able to overcome all these shortcomings and become a transgender homosexual. He didn’t know how to shoot, but he was great at bringing a moment of positive slowdown to any task wherever he was taken. As JS grew older, he realized his calling as a designer of colored buttons and posters. Since then, it became scary to go outside; piles of acidic banners and whistling buttons filled everything around. If the old employees reprimanded him about this, JS began to shout loudly that he was again being oppressed by evil heterosexuals. But this is only part of all the troubles. JS brought his friends with him into the world of development. Green-bearded, with dyed hair, on scooters... He himself always took up all the available space and memory, and this is in the conditions of the XNUMXst century, when it would seem that everyone should have had enough of it long ago!
But even here no one has yet been able to reproach him. JS, in response, began to say that everyone should have become body positive and equal long ago, and it doesn’t matter how much memory you eat and space you take up. “All workers are valuable, all workers are important, all workers are equal,” said JS. Another notable development with JS is that it has lowered the entry threshold to zero. They say that after this, out of grief, Grandfather Xi hanged himself in his closet with 5x5 kilobytes. However, JS is still in the wild, so be warned, be careful!
The creators of Go decided to outdo the creators of Java. Even in the womb, they replaced part of the DNA chains with hamster ones for their child... And then they cut off not only the fingers, but also the ears along with the nose, under the pretext that individual characteristics are not needed, and everyone should be similar to one another, so as not to be confused by their individuality . The fashion for OOP passed, and Go received neither classes nor templates. But they gave him goroutines. This is how he lives to this day, supporting various utilities.
For a long time, some enthusiasts meditated on the nature of the ongoing bacchanalia, until inspiration overtook them. After that, they developed a coherent religious and philosophical system, calling it the concept of ownership, and gave birth to Rust. Rust was distinguished by its integrity and loyalty to the principles laid down since childhood. If he was assigned to do something, he did not do it until he was sure that he would definitely not harm anyone. But to instruct Rust, he needed to understand the concept of possession and borrow checker. They say after this the entry threshold rose by 15,37%.
While new languages multiplied like mushrooms after rain, the old ones grew in power. Java received prosthetics in the form of generics and lambdas stolen from the Philosophical Club named after. prof. Haskell. I got similar lambdas for myself in C#, and at the same time found a mistress named Linq. Java did not lag behind and introduced itself a Stream API. But C# made an unexpected move, taking out the async/await throwing knives and throwing away the heavy null block. Java, in the process of running after his young rival, became like a transforming robot made up of different blocks of different materials. Some things were falling off. It was in this state that the suddenly awakened C++ found the world. He quickly made his own lambdas and his own automatic type inference. Now C# and Java recoiled in horror from such a sight. With a laser sight taped to his shotgun with blue tape, an orange cap with black glasses and an ax hanging from his shoulder strap, C++ truly inspired fear in all who looked at him. Some, out of old memory, involuntarily grabbed their knees...
Have a nice day, everyone. If you like it, I’ll write a sequel about workers in the scientific and philosophical industry.
Source: habr.com