Hi, I'm Katya, I haven't worked for a year.
I worked hard and burned out. I quit and didn't look for a new job. A thick financial cushion provided me with an indefinite vacation. I had a great time, and I also lost some of my knowledge and psychologically aged. What it is, life without work, and what you should not expect from it, read under the cut.
Free from worries
Last working day. I go to bed without setting an alarm. Yeah baby!
I wake up at noon. I overslept, what a nightmare! I grab my keys and take the subway. βIt is forbidden to take photos and videos in the auditorium. Turn off mobile phones during the session. Enjoy watching". Phew, did it. In a working chat, they gather for lunch. Oh, guys, poor things are tired, work horses. I turn off my phone.
Total euphoria, ambitious plans, endless lists of "where to go", "what to see", "what to read". Finally, there is time for all your Wishlist. I sleep until lunch, the torrent works non-stop, I break away non-stop. Too good to be true.
Waiting and Reality
The books have been read, the games have been played, the notes have been learned, all the bars have been studied, the ideas have run out, the enthusiasm has gone. Laziness, loneliness, everyday life and complete discord. I've been putting off so much because of work, but there's nothing to do. I have many friends, I am free any day, but there is no one to take a walk with. I can write articles, study, travel, but I sit at home and watch series. Something went wrong? What was I wrong?
No job, no problem
Expectation. No more deadlines, planning, hotfixes and falling tests.
Reality. I feel useless. Nobody needs my knowledge and experience. I don't improve or create anything. In work chats, life is in full swing, the fate of entire services is being decided, the guys go to conferences, go to the bar on Fridays. And I donβt go anywhere beyond Pyaterochka. As a bonus, I get the fear of being left without money. Oh yes, and no more canteen: if you want to eat, learn to cook.
There will be time wagon
Expectation. I will redo a bunch of things, I will be in time for everything.
Reality. The lack of a time frame forces you to allocate more time to tasks than is required. The inefficient allocation of resources is depressing. I still can't do anything. All free time goes down the drain: half of the time is consumed by everyday life, half of the time is just laziness. The routine at work has been replaced by a routine at home. Cleaning, cooking, searching for discounts in the store, trips to Ikea, cleaning, cooking. Why am I doing this kind of bullshit? I spend time on it just because it is. I do not sleep well: I spend little energy and have difficulty falling asleep, or I wander around at night and do not even go to bed. The lack of a regime is unsettling. I eat at night and actively gain weight. I don't know what day it is. I don't remember what I did yesterday. I justify every useless day with a quote from BoJack:
βThe universe is a cruel and indifferent vacuum. The key to happiness is not the search for meaning. It's just doing meaningless little things until you eventually die."
I'll see my friends, I'll stay with my loved ones
Expectation. I'll hang out with my friends all day, spend more time with my family.
Reality. Sonya is free on Wednesdays, Katya is free only on weekends, and Andrei does not know at all in advance. As a result, we meet once a month for half an hour. It's harder with loved ones. Everyone in the family works and gets tired, and only I have a lot of time for personal affairs. And even if I send my family on the same indefinite vacation, what are the chances that they will choose to go with me to the bay or to a concert, and not get stuck in the new season of Game of Thrones? I managed to visit family and friends in my hometown, but most of the time I just waited for them to come home from work. I can have a drinking party any day, but I still look forward to the weekend, because only on the weekend I can do it with my friends.
I'll do everything I put off
Expectation. I'll go to the sea, learn English, learn to paint in oils, start going to the pool, take care of my health, read all those books.
Reality. I'm not going to the sea - the idea lost its relevance when my brains were baked from the summer heat. I don't study English because there is no need to improve my level. Although 7 Harry Potter books in the original have contributed. I don't paint in oils and I don't go to the pool - it's not something I want to spend my time on. Going to the doctors turned into an endless quest with meaningless diagnoses. I found out that I wasn't putting things off because of work, they were just uninteresting or unimportant. It turned out that, apart from work, I have few hobbies, and I donβt need to allocate a separate day or month for them. It is enough to stop working for 12 hours and dilute working days with a good book or going to the cinema, without trying to cram all the joys of life into your precious day off. Any rest is better when it's deserved, just like food tastes better when you're hungry. And after a fight with the manager for the allocation of resources for refactoring, itβs a special thrill to come home, enter the game and scatter all the bosses.
I will pump skills, learn new things
Expectation. I will learn a new language, complete pet projects, start contributing to open source.
Reality. Programming? What kind of programming? Oh, "Slay the spire" is out! Buy, download, play, don't get bored.
For the first six months, the thought of programming was painful. This is called burnout. At work, I took on a lot of routine tasks and lost the opportunity and desire to dive deep into the engine compartment logic, work out the architecture, and conduct research. I stopped programming unicorns, started programming mediocre horses, and quickly got fed up with it. I wasn't smart enough to switch to other tasks or stop hanging out in the office for 12 hours, and I gradually became frustrated with what I was doing. I quit, but the idea that programming is boring kept in my head for another six months.
After another couple of months, I no longer turned up my nose, but I did not show much interest either. At work, we discuss technologies, share ideas, inspire each other. Breaking away from the community, I fell out of context and lost interest in what was happening in IT. But it showed a close friend. He passed the qualifying stage for School 21 and went to Moscow to become a programmer. I had to keep up. At first she advised him books and articles, then she re-read these books and articles herself. Interest returned as soon as I started. The desire to develop and move mountains returned. The desire to work returned. I realized that it is more interesting to study among like-minded people: you can discuss the material with them and understand it more deeply, they will throw ideas and will not let you abandon it. And colleagues with this role perfectly coped. It was a pleasure to work with you guys!
It was worth it
Nothing to regret. I read three dozen books, moved to Moscow, slept for 10 years in advance and learned a lot about myself. I don't travel around Europe, I'm not a businessman, I'm not a volunteer, I don't have children and I didn't have hobbies for which I wanted to leave work early. And instead of looking for new sources of self-realization, I devoted myself to work. I lived for work. All my friends and all the movement were there. I understood why I could not comprehend work-life balance. My life revolved around work. Work has become life. I worked for 12 hours, not because I was high, but because another 4 hours of work led me to some goal, and the same 4 hours outside the office did not lead. I was not embarrassed that, apart from a pile of books, nothing brings home. What seemed important was not interesting, and everything interesting seemed unimportant. I thought I wanted to travel, but I never monitored Aviasales. I thought I wanted to learn English, but I never bought a textbook. I wanted to play Skyrim and paint anti-stress coloring books, but when the deadlines are burning (and they always burn), who needs coloring pages, it's so insignificant, so banal. And I burned out before the deadlines, because the coloring pages were βanti-stressβ.
If more than a year did not go on vacationYou are either a successful and happy person, or this is a wake-up call. I am inspired by people who can work without vacation. They know how to have a good rest in 2-3 days during the holidays: travel around several countries or drive to a festival, assemble a computer for themselves or go fishing in Siberia. They also dilute working days with conferences and organizing meetups for the department. They do not run away on vacation, escaping from routine and harmful managers. If you, like me, do not belong to these people, it is better to go on vacation. Vacation is overload control. You should not save days for the sake of paying after leaving - a pleasant thing, but one-time. Do not rush to blame the evil manager who did not let you in - look for a compromise, warn in advance. Stay at home if you haven't planned your trip yet. Select if you don't want to spend a lot of money. Don't underestimate the power of a life-giving release. If you still chose to work hard without the right to rest, I hope you have a worthy goal. βSet your criteria for success. Otherwise, you're just a damn workaholic." (βBusiness is like a game. The rake of Russian business and unexpected decisionsβ)
Too much work will require too much rest. Do what you love right now. No time? There will never be time, even in retirement. The quality of rest is more important than the quantity. Have nothing to do? Try new things, broaden your horizons, look for interesting people and maybe you will share their interests.
Stay safe.
Source: habr.com