On a warm autumn morning in the center of Moscow, a well-dressed man paced nervously near the entrance to a gray skyscraper. He wore an immaculate suit, an expensive tie, and impeccable red Italian shoes.
It was the CEO, and he was waiting for a delegation of inspectors for the IT enterprise entrusted to him. Straightening, a short haircut of graying hair and a steely look - successfully complemented the image.
The delegation was late, and the general director looked demandingly at his companion. He was distinguished by an elusive look, a gray appearance, as if blurring in the air, and responded to the appeal βColonelβ, or better, βMr. Colonelβ. For he was from where colonels remain forever.
The colonel on the radio interrogated posts along a possible route.
Finally he blinked: the Maybachs were spotted two minutes from the office.
Gendir had something to show the delegation.
As it should be in the theatre, he started with a hanger. From the locker room.
Floor-length gray cabinets stored outerwear for developers, testers, and system analystsβ¦
A stand with boxes for mobile phones and other staff electronics was arranged separately. Opposite the booth sat a concentrated guard with notebooks. He had a serious task: to provide personnel with access to the mobile network no more than twice a day and no more than 5 minutes, or more often - upon presentation of a specially designed request.
The delegation followed on - to a huge open space.
Smooth tables stretching into the distance, neat rows of monitors, a hundred people at clean tables, emitting only the clatter of the keyboard and mouse clicks.
It was a beautiful sight: a hundred workers in gray or blue suits, with neat haircuts, stare intently at the screens. All monitors are turned to the aisle, panoramic windows are covered with blinds - nothing distracts: neither the sunrise nor the falling night.
The delegation was impressed: in this huge backyard, where, it seems, everyone was breathing in and out in unison, a unique innovative IT solution was being born right now, before their eyesβ¦.
But suddenly! one place turned out to be free: there was a table, but no one was sitting at it! Gendir chewed his lips and glanced at the colonel - he briefly threw into the radio: "place 72, code 15."
The delegation passed by a corral with a small female part of the staff: white top, black bottom, natural makeup and low heels - everything was verified in this company. Gendir was pleased to feel such a clear satisfaction of distinguished guests.
The delegation passed by offices with signs "Polygraph", "First Department", "Contact Control Bureau".
- What is this? they asked.
βThe dossier is being collected: you never know who will meet in the evening, and what will be passed on to whom,β the general director answered, going into his office.
It immediately became clear that his owner was used to keeping everything under control.
It was like a stock trader's place or a mission control center: a huge monitor half the wall showed pictures from all one hundred employee monitors at once. Some of them are highlighted in pink - those who slowed down the pace of writing code or something else important. The second huge monitor showed video from surveillance cameras.
On the director's neat five-meter desk were trays full of papers: "daily reports", "reports" and something else.
In the center of the table lay a multi-colored A3 printout: "Schedule of Layoffs."
It is obvious that the owner has been working on this document for a long time and thoughtfully.
The inspectors were satisfied, they were embarrassed by only one thing: the MVP of a cardinal, innovative, new, systemic solution has not yet been obtained ....
- ... 60-hour work week, conversations with relatives, improvement of the KPI system ... - the CEO reported on new initiatives.
At that time, on the monitor of video surveillance cameras, it was visible how the guards took a man out from behind the table, dragged him to the checkpoint and put him on the sidewalk, carefully adjusting his tie.
- What is this? the rosy-cheeked inspector asked.
- Do not worry! He signed everything. And now... well, maybe the heart... We don't need industrial accidents, do we?
The visit was coming to a logical conclusion, the CEO - to the approval of the management.
That's just with MVP .... Well, somehow it did not work out .... Temporarily, probably.
PS. From the author.
Of course, this is a compilation from three companies.
Location: Moscow (City, Skolkovo(!)) and Kaluga region.
Validity period: summer 2018 - spring 2019.
Dmitry Volodin, htg.ru
Source: habr.com