They call me the King. Using your usual labels, I am a consultant. More precisely, the owner of a new type of consulting company. I came up with a scheme in which my company is guaranteed to earn very decent money, while, oddly enough, benefiting the client.
What do you think is the essence of my business scheme? Never guess. I sell factories their own programmers, and their own automation. Much more expensive, of course.
As you can see from my previous story, I was a very successful director. Many of you did not believe me - but, with due diligence, you will find my old publications, there you will find out my real name, and read about successes. However, I prefer not to advertise myself.
I once understood the value of an automated system and programmers. I draw your attention - not the value of automation as a process. The automation system that you have is awesome. And the programmer you have is just gold. But you will understand this only in one of two cases: either he will leave you (the probability that you will understand is low), or I will sell him to you.
I'll start in order. The first thing I decided to do in this business, I chose the market. I did not think for a long time - after all, I had experience in managing a poultry farm. If we abstract it a little, then we get the following parameters: an old enterprise created in Soviet times, many employees from those times, a new owner who does not understand anything about this business, a hired director - it is important that they are not from among the former employees, and, the main thing is the province.
The idea of choosing just such a field of work is not mine, I spied it on two guys. One was implementing ISO at a time when everyone thought that this certificate meant something. Another was engaged in the automation of factories in 1C years in 2005-2010, when it was dumb for any factory to work on something else (also, in general, inexplicable).
These guys had different reasons for this choice. Firstly, remoteness from the owner, his rare visits gave local directors a certain freedom. Secondly, in the provinces there is a problem with personnel, which means that you can get hooked on yourself for quite a long time. Thirdly, the same shortage of personnel concerned, first of all, management. What kind of felt boots did not manage these factories.
This is probably why they were so led to any kipish, except for the hunger strike. ISO, so ISO. 1C, so 1C. Site, so site. Etc.
Actually, these guys prepared a chic market for me. Where ISO was introduced, no one understood how to work. Before there were no processes, the plant moved, even developed, and did not think anything bad about itself. And the ISO standard is the perfect vehicle for creating guilt out of the blue. They wrote papers with processes for themselves, but they work according to a certain average scheme - the most important thing, such as production, sales, supply, etc. they do it the way they always did, and all the dregs, like contracts, approvals, etc., are done according to ISO.
Those who work according to ISO periodically reproach the "Old Believers" for being stuck in the Stone Age. With the mind, everyone understands that it is not necessary to work according to ISO, but the subconscious mind says - no, boys, you are just cross-handed, so you cannot work on processes. It would be better, of course, they did not know about ISO at all.
Automation has set the stage even better. Any software product, website, service at a provincial plant can be described in one word: under-implemented. The gentlemen involved in automation do not want to notice this, although this is a huge market if it is correctly spud, but it's up to them.
But there is one peculiarity: the product is underdeveloped quite a bit. But in order to understand it, you need to delve into it. And only a programmer can penetrate, wants and will.
If you want to check whether an information system has been implemented at the plant or not, ask a simple question: show me a report that contains all the currently missing materials and purchased semi-finished products. It is important that it is in the system, and not in Excel, and not calculated by economists at the beginning of the month or week, and not entered manually (some do).
If the answer is “no”, then the system is under-implemented. If you are a programmer, then you understand that there was only one step left to victory - to collect all the data in one form. And the data is already there. The elementary task of distributing one table to another, taking into account the priorities of consumption and the interchangeability of materials, and voila - you have a complete and accurate list of what you need to buy.
But this last step is not taken. The head of supply does not delve into it, he simply whines that something has not been automated for him. The director is already tired of listening to this, and simply does not react. And the programmer does not care, because he is constantly poured with slop - a bucket less, a bucket more, what's the difference? When you are poured with slop, it is better not to open your mouth - you will swallow. All have long been overgrown with feathers, like geese - it flows down while you are walking from the meeting to your hole.
So, here is our plant. Somehow it works, but he himself believes that it is bad. The processes are bad, there is no automation, the site is of no use, it’s even embarrassing to go to it yourself. If you go to the factory right at this moment, you can take them warm. But, unfortunately, this moment passes very quickly - “leavened patriotism” of a local scale works.
As a person gradually convinces himself that he is doing well, so does the enterprise, especially the director. At first - out of anger that nothing can be changed, even with obvious problems to cope. They just give up any undertakings, and just work as best they can. Then the humor is born, fueled by many funny stories about would-be consultants, false silver bullets, and failed change projects. This is where patriotism comes in. It seems like we are what we are, and all this nonsense is from the evil one, and there is no sense in it.
It is very difficult for the director of such a plant to sell any consulting. Most likely, he will not even agree to meet with you. He has not read books and articles for a long time. Doesn't go to conferences. Almost all paths to his brain and soul are closed to consultants. And here I came up with an interesting solution.
To understand its meaning, remember Christopher Nolan's Inception, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. They know how to connect to a sleeping person, get into his dream, and give him an idea. They themselves call this process "implementation". The bottom line is that after waking up, it seems to a person that the idea is his own, and not imposed from outside. Only in this case he will undertake its implementation.
Of course, I don’t know how to enter dreams, but I found a way out. I plant an "idiot" at the plant - I have a whole division of them. The IT director acts as an "idiot".
Oddly enough, provincial factories like to hire metropolitan IT directors who, by the will of fate, found themselves in their open spaces. Everything is thought out with us - we even make a local registration for him, come up with a legend, saying that my grandmother lives here, or she always dreamed of living closer to the river, or the downshifter is unfinished (in the sense it continues to work), and a few more options. The main thing is that the "idiot" does not look like a Varangian, but seems to be his own.
And so he comes to the factory, brings his diplomas, with which I generously supply all the "idiots", and he is gladly hired. He has real references, because between "idiocies" he works as a "savior" (more on that later), so that no HR will undermine, especially the village one.
Further, the "idiot" task is simple - to be an idiot. Approximately, like Prince Myshkin from Dostoevsky. I took the idea from the Internet book "Career Steroids" - there this method is called "Klykush", only I modified it - I have stupid clicks. Klykusha is the one who openly identifies the problems of the enterprise, but knows how to solve them. This is a way to attract attention to yourself, and when it works out, solve the problem with brilliance. And the stupid clown knows nothing.
Imagine a typical weekly meeting. The director asks everyone, one by one, how are you. Everyone complains about something, little things. For example, production is pointing the finger at the supply - one small detail is missing, which is why the product is not assembled. Well, the suppliers missed it, they didn't order it on time. Usually everyone will keep silent, at most - they will put an order to the head of supply, like "take it under personal control." And our stupid hysteria raises his hand, and, like the hero of Makovetsky in The Twelve, he says - wait, friends, let's figure it out!
And he starts asking smart questions with a stupid look. How did it happen that a simple part was not bought. It would be nice to have some kind of complicated one, to bring it from Korea there, but under sanctions, otherwise they will do it in any garage. And because of this, production costs a stake. How could this happen?
Since our "idiot" has been working recently, he is not sent immediately. They try to explain, but it turns out badly. The head of supply is saying something about the fact that people are working in a multitasking mode, they are constantly distracted, money is not given on time, and so the creditor is big, everything rests on snot. It comes to the point that the head of production begins to harness for him - he sees that a comrade has got into an uncomfortable position. And our idiot sits, bats his eyelashes, nods his head, and asks new questions - suggestive. Helps to open up.
As you understand, the main goal of this interview is the director, who sits and listens. He was not used to listening to such a conversation - it seems that they don’t swear, and they discuss routine processes, but from an unusual angle. And he, gradually, becomes interested, because. he himself had not asked such questions for a long time - since he became a patriot.
The situation is repeated several times, in all possible variations. Finally, our "idiot" begins to piss people off - they stop making excuses and go on the attack. Which is what was required. The “idiot” immediately raises its paws and tries to calm everyone down - they say, what did they attack, I just wanted to figure out the causes of the problems. I'm with you, we are one team, blah blah blah. He throws in a few memorized phrases, such as “problems should be discussed openly”, “if the problem is not identified, then it will not be solved”, etc. After such a retreat, he is almost always supported by the director.
And now it is almost ours, the last step remains. The director begins to think that the “idiot” understands something and can help solve the problems that he dug up. A normal hysteria will do this, but we have, I remind you, a stupid hysteria. The director calls him for a conversation, and asks - damn, dude, you're cool, let's solve the problems of the plant. I'm only ready to work with you, the rest are sitting, they put their tongues in their asses, they only worry about their place. And you, I see, are not afraid of anyone or anything, you can take responsibility, I will give you carte blanche.
The "idiot" turned the director against a team of other "leavened patriots", which was exactly what was required. Now it must fail. He takes on some short-term change project, not necessarily IT-related, and fails. So that with a bang, noise and smoke. You can’t leave the impression that “almost succeeded” - it must be downright bad.
This is where the equation comes into play. The director still remembers that he has a lot of problems at the plant. He still believes that the whole team are sycophants who do not inform him of the difficulties, hiding them under the carpet. He still dreams of solving problems. But he already understands that no one at the plant will help him. Even the “idiot” is the CIO who helped him see the real picture. The most important thing is that the director still remembers all the problems to a single one. Literally, he has a list in his notebook.
Naturally, he fires the "idiot" - for idiocy, of course. We bring him to this. It happens that the director rolls around with the dismissal - then our "idiot" plays an honest one, and leaves on his own - they say, I did not cope, I do not want to burden you anymore.
And here it is - the moment. The director is warm. This is where I show up. And with what - I will tell a little later. First, about the programmer.
With a factory programmer, everything is not easy. They tend to play one of three roles - nerd, scumbag, or bullshit. A nerd is the one everyone yells at, is always guilty of something, doesn’t do a damn thing, he just wipes his pants. A scumbag - he learned to show his teeth, so no one really climbs to him, except for new leaders, he goes about his own business - like part-time jobs. The nihilist does what he is told, even if they say complete nonsense.
There is only one result: the programmer does nothing useful. A nerd may not even suspect about this - there is no time. The thug and the nihilist secretly, and sometimes explicitly, chuckle at the incoming tasks, but they also do not bring any benefit. Programmers are even proud of this state of affairs - they say, we are smart, and the rest are fools, but we will not tell them about it.
And I need a programmer, without him the result will be worse. Before, I acted simply - my "idiot" spoke honestly with him, and talked about his "idiot" mission. The result was deplorable - the programmer revealed the CIO. Basically, from fear, so as not to keep a secret in yourself, for which you can later pay. After a couple of failed attempts, I changed the introduction to "idiots".
Now they behaved even worse in front of programmers than in front of fellow managers. More precisely, they appeared before them as even bigger idiots, especially since it is not difficult - the programmer is smart, after all. It is enough to blurt out some nonsense about automation, program code, refactoring, etc. a few times. Even better - start putting pressure on the programmer, arrange time troubles for him, external audits, transfer arrows to him. Generate maximum self-hatred.
I think you understand why. When the “idiot” starts to smell like fried, the programmer is in the forefront of those who want to throw a stone at a drowning man. But, if the rest are just gloating, the programmer wants to trample the "idiot" into the dirt. And it opens up, thinking that it gives out information "on the road."
He honestly talks about all the automation problems that the "idiot" could not see. He lists all the relationships of people that hinder the development of the company - who is whose relative, who is kicked in the teeth, who sets the most idiotic tasks, and then does not use the results of automation, etc. He dumps everything, with the sole purpose of showing that he, the programmer, is smarter than the capital's IT director. One even wrote an article on the Internet.
All this happens before the “idiot” is fired, and then his Moment comes. The programmer no longer has time to think, and most importantly, there is no reason to give out a secret, because. The CIO leaves. The Idiot is honest about his mission, either in person or by letter. The one who wrote the article also received an article in response. It doesn't matter to us in what way, but the main thing is that the idea gets through.
The idea is simple: you, a programmer, are doing nonsense, but you can do business. Come to us. We will organize the move, rent an apartment for you for a year, we will pay a decent Moscow salary, higher than the average capital one.
And most importantly, you will automate the enterprise from which you quit. Only for much more money, in a team with experienced programmers, just like you, and those very "idiots" who sometimes act as "saviors". So far, no programmer has refused.
Further everything is simple. While the "idiot" worked at the plant - and this is a maximum of six months - we received all the necessary information about the problems of the enterprise. We do not need a copy of the information system, or data - it is enough to know the version of the system and a verbal description of the improvements and executable processes.
While the "idiot" is suffering, we are preparing a solution. As you already understood, not some abstract “we will solve all your problems”, as other consultants do - a concrete, clear, contextual solution to the specific problems of a particular enterprise. Our experience and know-how allow us to do this very quickly.
If the plant has problems with timely supply - and this is 90 percent of our customers - we prepare and set up a special module for calculating needs. If the main trouble is cash gaps, we set up a system for their timely detection and prevention. If the pain of the plant is too long approvals, then we bring a customized process controller with a built-in Iceberg, and in addition - a motivation system that is guaranteed to exclude process downtime. What is important - it takes us a few days, no more, to directly perform the work. We do not sit for half a year, poking around in the code, because we know that the problems are already almost solved in the client's information system.
But we leave the icing on the cake to the programmer. Between his moving in with us and my meeting with the director, usually no more than a few days pass. This period is enough for the programmer to combine the information system of the enterprise with the developments prepared by us. Sometimes one day is enough, because our tools are abstract and easy to integrate, and the programmer knows the particular system best.
Actually, here is my way out. I write or call the director and ask for a meeting. I have never been refused because I choose the right Moment.
Now I will try to explain so that you understand. Each of you has seen contextual advertising on the Internet. You roughly imagine how many people click on it. It's not difficult - remember how many times you clicked. The rest are the same. Now remember when and on which ads you clicked.
Let's omit the cases when you don't need the advertised product, it's just that the banner was cool - this rarely happens. I don’t know about you, but I only click if the product that I need at that particular moment is advertised. A product without which I feel pain.
For example, I have a toothache. I have already taken the pills that I usually take for pain, but they do not help well. I can't go to the doctor now, for a variety of reasons. And now I see ads - pills that amazingly relieve toothache, and even get rid of inflammation. Yes, intellectually I understand that I saw this advertisement, because I recently searched for similar information in a search engine. But I don't care, because I have pain - and I click on ads.
The same goes for factory directors. They are soft, warm, because my "idiot" caused them pain. He opened up old wounds that had healed with "leavened patriotism." He rattled them, asking his idiotic, naive, but hitting right on target questions. He rubbed salt in his wounds by taking on a change project and failing it. The director's wound is not something that hurts - it splatters with blood, not letting him forget about himself for a minute.
Here I get out, like contextual advertising. Hello, dear so-and-so, my name is Korol, I am from the company so-and-so, I can solve your problem with the supply of warehouse No. 7. Or your difficulties with cash gaps under government contracts. Or reduce the time for agreeing contracts and design documentation from two weeks to one day. Do you understand?
I'm not Google, I don't have to work with the probabilities of getting into a problem. I hit not in the eyebrow, but in the eye. With indication of specific positions, names, places, numbers, processes, products, etc. The effect is amazing.
Especially when I retire for half an hour to the IT department, and then show the results on the plant information system. Usually it takes more time for the director to go there - he never remembers his login and password, because. From the moment of installation almost on came. And then he perceives everything as a miracle.
Of course, he asks where the information about their problems comes from. I say with wide eyes that from open sources. Your programmers asked on forums, suppliers consulted with my acquaintances, laid-off employees spoke at interviews in new jobs, and so on. Lots of places if you look.
But the main thing is that we have vast experience in solving the problems of enterprises of your profile. Here it is already possible not to lie, but to list specific plants, with the contacts of the directors. Often, his acquaintances are on the list, and after the call he will not go anywhere.
We are launching change projects. The same “idiots” come to lead them, only from other factories, so that they don’t have to rake up a pile of accumulated grievances against a particular person. "Idiots" switch all the time - either downcast, or saved the plant. The resume is enriched quickly.
The essence of the project, as a rule, is not in the development of some kind of technology, like an IT system, but in implementation, i.e. restructuring processes, changing motivation, controlling new indicators, etc. Usually, no more than six months, because we come with a ready-made system.
And when it's done, we leave. Staying and pulling money out of the plant is not our method. That charge, the potential that we leave, the plant is enough for several years of independent development. Of course, there will come a moment when everything will stop, the swamp will grow again, and pain will appear. But here it will not be consultants that will be needed, but a Gnome.
I wonder who is the Gnome at this plant? It would be interesting to hear his version.
Source: habr.com